Keep Your Head Up (Andy Grammer 2012)

January 24th, 2012

was a Tuesday and...

The best day of this year (so far) because it was the

Andy Grammer concert in SLC at the State Room

I adore Andy Grammer. 

I just love this boy.

His music inspires me beyond comprehension.

Haha being that I live in Idaho, many people were asking who Andy Grammer was since I've been going on and on about how I got tickets for his concert right when I found out his tour dates. I would respond each time, "He sings that song you gotta keep your head up!" To which everyone would go "OH! Yeah I LOVE that song!" It made me laugh. His entire album is spectacular. I recommend it highly. 

Here is the story of the best day of this year...

Me getting ready for the concert!

It was a dream come true... the Andy Grammer concert in SLC at The State Room!!! I can't stop smiling. My mom insisted I take Aiden because he'd been texting me randomly out of nowhere. She said I should "be nice" and invite him. I didn't know who else to invite because my other friends couldn't come. I still wasn't exactly a fan of the idea of asking Aiden to come. I opted for my mom to come before Aiden. She had to work though :( SO I invited Aiden. He said yes. I wished anyone BUT Aiden could've came with me but oh well. Even Aiden couldn't ruin my time. 

Speaking of Aiden, he was unbelievably inconsiderate every step of the way... 

I don't like Aiden as anything more than a friend, but I still find it rude that on the drive to SLC he was nonstop texting & calling people WHILE DRIVING. Unsafe to start with. He is kinda a player haha. It was a little humorous... Examples of his conversations... "Oh heyyyy Jessica, yeah we're still on for going snowmobiling this weekend!" or "Amanda, I can't wait for our date on Thursday!" Seriously?! 

Can I just say I am glad he broke up with me back in October 2010. This quote describes my feelings about Aiden... "Ironically, he inspires me more than anyone because he shows me what I don't want and sometimes that's the only way to discover the things you do want."

I know what I want and it most definitely is not him.

Since I bought the tickets, Aiden payed for dinner.

We stopped and ate at Tucanos Brazillian Grill... it served THE BEST lemonade in the world!

I got full just drinking endless glasses of raspberry and pineapple lemonade--it was like a taste of heaven and I'm not even the biggest fan of lemonade to begin with.

After dinner we headed to The State Room for the concert!!!

I was beyond excited, whatever that is. I was all smiles. It made Aiden laugh. Aiden and I got to stand at the front of the stage in the very center aka the best place to be. The concert started at 8:00. Two people opened for Andy. First was Rachel Platten who has this hit song on the radio called "1,000 Ships". She was great. I'm jealous of her voice and piano skills. 

After Rachel came Ryan Star. I hadn't the slightest idea of who he was. Aiden and I made friends with this silly drunk couple in their late 40s. The wife was obsessed with Ryan. She came just for him. Once he started playing, I immediately realized I knew who he was. I'd heard his music. He is incredibly talented not to mention attractive. Ryan sings "Breathe", "Start A Fire", and "Brand New Day" among many other songs. 

When Ryan finished, there was a break to set up Andy's set. Ryan went into the lobby to meet fans. Aiden saved my spot up front so I could go see Ryan.

Ryan & me

 You should check out his album "11:59"!

Ryan & Charley

He was really sweet. We took a few pictures together (as you can see) and hugged. I wanted to stay and talk with him longer, but I was there for the boy I absolutely love and adore--Andy Grammer--and I didn't want to miss even a second of Andy! 

I made my way back to my place. Aiden and I talked with some other Fandies (Andy fans). Everyone was really nice. I was surprised the turn out was rather scarse. The room could fit 350 people, and I'd say there were only a little more than 100. I was fine with that though because it was more intimate. 

All of the sudden, the lights went out and one of my favorite songs, Coldplay's "Paradise" came blaring through the speakers and then the lights came on and Andy entered the stage and took a seat at the keyboard directly in front of me... only a few feet away. My heart went wild. I love love love concerts. They make me feel so alive. Andy was even better in person, live. He has the best sense of humor. I love his positivity. He is devastatingly handsome, absolutely breathtaking. No words can do his talent justice. 

I was dancing, singing along, jumping up and down, clapping, and letting the music coarse through me like the blood in my veins, my pulse, my heartbeat.

I don't remember the last time I've felt that alive, that happy. During that hour or so with Andy, the music was all that mattered. All of my worries, cares, problems, and fears faded far, far away. They vanished. It was amazing. Andy sang all of the songs from his album including my favorites "Miss Me", "Slow", and "The Pocket". He saved his hit, and my all time favorite, "Keep Your Head Up" until the end, the best for last! It was a rush. Everyone sang along to that song as one. That song means more to me than anyone will ever realize. It's saved me. I first heard it during rough times I was going through last year on the radio as I was driving. It was as if it was written for me, the answer to my prayers. My song. That was the moment I fell in love with Andy Grammer. Music can change lives. It saves lives. It makes life better.

Andy told us he lost his mom three years ago when he was 25 and that she was an inspiration for many of his songs. He is incredible, truly an amazing man. He played on the streets of LA for years until he made it and got his big break. He never gave up and kept his head up, even when people told him he would never make it. He is an inspiration. He told us to never ever give up on our dreams and doing what we love.

He also sang two covers that I thought sounded better than the originals--"We Found Love" (originally by Rihanna) and the wonderful "Chasing Cars" (originally by Snow Patrol). I loved it. That was the best concert I've ever been blessed to attend. I wish I had a musical talent. If I could have any super power, I'd choose a beautiful singing voice. I consider that a super power. Music is powerful and magical.

The end came too soon. I wish I could've slowed down time during that concert. I didn't want it to end. Most people left once it was over. Aiden went out to the car, but I hung around in the lobby. I was determined to meet the boy I love. I was waiting for Andy. Rachel and Ryan were still out there. I wanted to meet Rachel so I went over and talked with her.

Rachel & me

Oh my! Rachel is not only gorgeous on the outside, she's beautiful on the inside. She is a total sweetheart. While we talked, she focused all of her attention on me. She asked what my name was and acted like we were friends and told me I was pretty and she was glad I came. Then as I was walking away, she said, "It was so nice to meet you Charley!" Aw.

A few minutes after I walked away from Rachel, people were gasping and getting excited. I turned and saw what I'd been dreaming of as Andy entered the room. Everyone just stood around awkwardly frozen as if in shock. So I walked right over to Andy and introduced myself. I said, "Hi! I'm Charley!" Andy replied with a smile, "Hi Charley!" We took a picture together and hugged. Then as I was leaving, Andy called out, "It was lovely meeting you dear!" 

 The lovely Andy and me!

Aw. I love that boy even more now that I've seen him live and met him in person. I adore Andy and meeting him was an enchanting experience. It was a perfect time. The best night of 2012, I don't know if anything, anytime, or any night for the rest of this year could compare to that night. A dream come true...

Keep your head up :)

Keep Your Head Up -Andy Grammer

I've been waiting on a sunset

Bills on my mindset

I can't deny they're getting high

Higher than my income, income's bread crumbs

I've been trying to survive

The glow that the sun gets right around sunset helps me to realize

This is just a journey

Drop your worries, you are gonna turn out fine

Oh...

You turn out fine

Fine, oh, you turn out fine...

[Chorus] But, you gotta keep your head up

Oh oh

And you can let your hair down

Eh eh

You gotta keep your head up

Oh oh

And you can let your hair down

Eh eh

I know it's hard, know it's hard to remember sometimes

But, you gotta keep your head up

Oh, oh

And you can let your hair down

Eh eh eh eh eh

I got my hands in my pockets kicking these rocks

It's kinda hard to watch this life go by

I'm buying into skeptics

Skeptics mess with the confidence in my eyes

I'm seeing all the angles thoughts get tangled

I start to compromise my life and my purpose

Is it all worth it? Am I gonna turn out fine?

Oh, Oh, you turn out fine

Fine, oh oh you turn out fine

[Chorus]

Only rainbows after rain

The sun will always come again and 

It's a circle, circling around again

It comes around again

I said only rainbows after rain

The sun will always come again and 

it's a circle, circling around again

It comes around

[Chorus]

Keep your head up

Oh oh

And you can let your hair down

Eh eh

The Pocket -Andy Grammer

Do you want to be my love, my side, my heart, and my eyes

My world, my pride, my stars and my skies

I'm looking for a queen who's more than gorgeous on a movie screen

I'm looking for the cover girl of dignified beauty magazine

I want dimples, and simple symbols that she's sweet

Wrinkles her nose, expose what I mean

I am looking for a four-course meal that isn't based in base desire

I am looking for a lady who knows her soul is more than an appetizer

Just one more thing

Just one more thing

[Chorus] Do we fit in the pocket, can we fit sit back in the pocket

When the dreams and the drums start rocking

Can we dance with our knees not knocking, knocking

See I, I want a lady I can put stock in

I want a bass and back beat to lock in

I want to know real love's not forgotten, not forgotten

I want a teacher who's eager to speak her mind

Delicate features, sweet with her tongue so kind

I'm looking for the markers that say "permanent" so we can share

I'm looking for a love that's still alive and well in rocking chairs

I want faithful, and stable, able to grow

Beauty that moves me and improves my soul

I'm looking for a shining light that likes to fight and persevere

I'm looking for a lady that wants to make me part of her atmosphere

Just one more thing

Just one more thing

[Chorus]

All I need to know is

Are you clear on who you are

Do you love it

When this world starts getting hard

Will you rise above it, rise above it [Chorus]x2

On a completely unrelated note, I am reading this book Awaken and have to share some quotes I like from it.

"You can meet one person and your world can change forever."

"It's easy to forget at this moment billions of people exist and far-off galaxies are being born and stars collide. Kissing is its own kind of collision, it produces its own planetarium of lights inside your head. For me, it was like seeing colors for the first time after living in a black and white world. A single person can be just as wide and vast and spellbinding as any sky full of stars. They can make you think the world stops and night can last forever."

"It's easy to have an opinion, but change only comes when you put your ideas into action."

It's Almost A Love Story [ies] Part 4

AIDEN

October 2010

I've already mentioned Aiden (name changed) in a post way back in October about him helping me accomplish #38 on my list of things to do before I die aka swing on a rope swing. My mom and grandma went shopping at this antique store in another town to buy decorations for my new stepdad Robert Allen's house. They said a cute boy was working, and they talked to him. He was an RM and spoke Spanish. They wanted to set him up with me so they gave him my number. Of course I was embarrassed and skeptical. We started texting and Facebooked each other. He was cute and nice, but I wasn't holding my breath or thinking anything would come of it. It's a funny story though. The way we met, I mean.

Journal entry--Saturday October 16, 2010 aka The Sweetest Day (it's a real holiday like Valentines Day)

"Talk about the sweetest Sweetest Day ever! I went on a date with Aiden, who is incredibly incredible and a hopeless romantic like me, and devastatingly handsome, and the first date went so great that we're official/dating as Facebook says "in a relationship". We just connected right from the start. We went to dinner at Buddy's (a local Italian restaurant) and he was my Valentine :) It's like we've known each other forever. We both have been skydiving, love soda pop, have a passion for life, love Oregon, and more. He's also spontaneous like me.

After dinner, we went to my parents' house and watched Charly in the theater room and cuddled. How I've missed cuddling and butterflies. He met McHale, Christian, and Robert Allen. Mom texted me during our date and asked how it was. I said "amazing" and she replied, "Wow I am a great matchmaker" haha.

Then Aiden and I came to my apartment and hung out with Rian and Hannah. He taught us how to play a card game called Nurts! He gets along great with Rian and Hannah, and they like him. It was a blast.

Aiden is amazing. He proved me wrong on the chivalry-doesn't-exist thing. He opened the car doors for me, called me beautiful, bought dinner, and took me swinging at the park because I wanted to go swinging. It's almost too good to be true, you know? I'm a bit scared. I mean he is the closest guy I've ever met to perfect and it's unreal. It's like a dream. I don't want to rush into things and fall for him and get hurt. I guess I will see how things go and maybe this fairy tale like romance will be reality and lead to happily ever after."

Journal entry--Sunday October 17, 2010

"Aiden is amazing. I honestly feel like I've known him forever yet we've been apart and now when we are together it's the best, and I'm complete. That empty inside-missing-something-but-not-sure-what feeling is gone. At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world, and all I want is Aiden. But it seems like you get hurt the moment you begin to care. However, I can't deny the chemistry, and I believe in fate. I am falling for him faster than I am able to comprehend. If I fall, I hope he intends to catch me and hold me in his arms forever. I feel more alive than ever. He's kinda, basically, pretty much, sort of, always on my mind now. I was with him almost all night, and I miss him like crazy. He came over today, and we took a nap and layed in each others arms, and I loved every second. We tell each other things like best friends. We were so close yet not close enough. He's 24 so he's mature and it's the best. Maybe he's the one, maybe not, I guess I'll let my Heavenly Father let me know.

I've been praying about Aiden. I know it's silly and makes not the slightest drop of sense, but I love everything about him even though we just met yesterday. I was driving home and thinking about Aiden and how unbelievable this week/weekend has been, and I felt a warm feeling inside my heart for him. The feeling was so intense and overwhelming. That's never happened to me. It stunned me. I mean I am one of those people that doesn't believe in love at first sight. I laugh at people who say they're in love after a week and act like it. I mean how do you love someone you barely know? It's ridiculous, I know. So why and how on Earth do I feel like I'm feeling that way? And, hypothetically, if it's true and the real thing, how do I explain it and get people to believe it when I hardly can and it's suddenly crashed into me at the speed of light? How do you explain something you can't even understand yourself?"

Okay Tuesday October 19, 2010 was the rope swing thing, and it's explained in detail in a previous entry, so if you haven't read it and want to, it's not hard to find. Here is the rest of my journal entry that night that isn't included in the rope swing post.

"Confession time: Two weeks together, that's all it took, two weeks for me to fall for him... I think I am falling in love with Aiden. No matter how impossible it sounds, I think it's true. I can't deny the truth. I cannot control my heart and the way it feels when I am with Aiden, when he looks at me with those blue eyes that I get lost in until time might as well have stopped and nothing else matters in that moment, when I am in his arms, when we kiss, when we talk. Despite this fact, my head is telling me no! Run! It's not real! My mind is raising a zillion questions and running wild shouting "you may love him, but that doesn't mean it's meant to be". What if he doesn't feel the same way? He doesn't talk about me and the way he feels about us like I do. What if love doesn't exist? And even if it does and this is true love and this really was love at first sight, life isn't a fairy tale. Life isn't a love story. Life isn't perfect. Life isn't like the movies.

Most boys cheat. Most boys are players. Most boys are liars. Most boys are complete jerks who only want one thing and will charm the hell out of you and tell you anything and be all romantic, but they say it to every other girl... why is love so complicated?"

Journal entry--Wednesday October 20, 2010

"The heaven we seek is little more than the projection of our homes into eternity." -President Stephen L. Richards

"So I've been praying harder and with more faith than ever about love, Aiden, and marriage, and whether or not I get married to Aiden or anyone in general I know it's our purpose for being here. To find our eternal companion who will be with us forever. Love is the best thing ever. This is why the adversary tries to fill our heads with doubts. Love is in us, born within our hearts, and he wants to destroy it and replace it with misery and hate because he can't have love.

This is why so many marriages fail because from the moment you find your sweetheart and fall in love until crossing over safely to our Heavenly Father, Satan will do absolutely everything to destroy and break the eternal bond we have with the one we love. He will always be there with doubts, fears, temptations, contention, conflict, anger, and sadness. He will always try to stir up trouble and exaggerate our trials until we feel like giving up, breaking, deciding it's not worth it. But it is. Love is worth everything.

Marriage will be the best yet hardest thing in life. However, as Heavenly Father has shown us, nothing worthwhile is ever easy. You must work every moment of everyday to get to happily ever after. You have to be strong, which is why you find your soul mate he made just for you to be by your side and become one with. You are two imperfect people striving together to attain perfection and Heavenly Father is always there for us. In love, you must sacrifice everything, but the reward is a million times better than we are capable of imaging."

"Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles, and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now, with each step you take, you grow stronger and stronger."

"It is inconceivable that God would desire to punish or to see his children in suffering or pain or distress. He is a God of Peace and tranquility. He offers joy and growth and happiness and peace."

"If one really loves another, one would rather die for that person than to injure him." -President Spencer W. Kimball

"Love is cleanliness and progress and sacrifice and selflessness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes, but lives through sickness and sorrow, poverty and privation, accomplishment and disappointment, time and eternity." -President Spencer W. Kimball

"Love cannot be forced... it comes out of heaven unasked and unsought." -President Gordon B. Hinckley

"Le Coeur De La Mer (The heart of the ocean)."

"I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You never know what hand you're going to get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you. To make each day count." -Jack Dawson

Journal entry--Thursday October 21, 2010

"Yes, I watched Titanic last night. I can't help it, I love it. Rose and Jack are an example of fate. They are meant to be but that doesn't mean everything will be perfect. You have to cherish and make the most of every moment with the one you love and fight with all you have against the forces trying to tear you apart but you must work together. And if you do those things, never let go, nothing can come between you or break that bond, not even death, because love is eternal.

Mom and Robert Allen got married today at 3:30 at the courthouse. Mom is now legally Angie Allen. Robert Allen is my stepdad, and Tyler, Jordan, Colton, and Tanner are my stepbrothers. It's definitely exciting. I'm so happy we're a family. McHale and I went and checked out Tanner, Christian, and Jordan from school to go to the wedding. We had lots of fun driving there. I love Tanner and having another little brother! We're like the Brady Bunch, but with five boys and three girls!

Mom is happy and so are we. Christian and Jordan have stability. And Robert Allen is a great man who loves us and helps care for my family. That's all that matters. It was a good day. I mean that's not at all how I want my wedding to be, but it's a step in the right direction for mom and Robert Allen. 

Haha after they got married, Tanner was joking around and asked mom if he should call her "mom" or "smom" hahaha! It made everyone laugh.

I went and saw Brie and had a heart to heart, much needed talk about Aiden and love. She uncomplicated things and calmed my doubting mind. She supports us. She gave me advice.

"Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore." -Bella Swan, New Moon p.304

"He called you pretty," he finally continued, his frown deepening.

"That's practically an insult, the way you look right now. You're much more than beautiful."

I laughed. "You might be a little biased."

"I don't think that's it. Besides, I have excellent eyesight."

-Twilight p.494

"Bella." His fingers lightly traced the shape of my lips.

"I will stay with you--isn't that enough?"

I smiled under his fingertips. "Enough for now."

He frowned at my tenacity. No one was going to surrender tonight. He exhaled, and the sound was practically a growl.

I touched his face. "Look," I said. "I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?"

"Yes, it is enough," he answered, smiling. "Enough for forever."

-Twilight p.498

Then came the sudden, unexpected end.

Journal entry--Saturday October 23, 2010

"Aiden came into my life and today he left it. I honestly believed I loved him. Apparently I was wrong. I still feel like I love him. He doesn't love me. It hurts, not gonna lie. He broke my heart. Am I clueless? What is wrong with me? I'm so far from perfect, but I am a good girl, not good enough for Aiden though. I hate this feeling where you can't breathe and can't stop crying, where you feel so broken.

I think love doesn't exist. I'm a hopeless romantic who wants to be in love, sadly love doesn't exist. At least not for me. I want it more than anything. I'd do anything for it. Love is hopeless... or maybe I'm the hopeless one... that there's no hope for me."

I went on a three mile run that day in a black dress and heels sobbing uncontrollably under a black starlit sky eventually just stopping on the sidewalk of a road to put my head in my knees and bawl. My legs ached and my lungs were on fire, but the physical pain helped distract me from the emotional. Why was I running in a black dress and heels (and probably looked crazy to everyone who drove by)? Because Aiden and I had a date planned for that night. I made dinner for him. I went all out and cooked this homemade fancy dinner. And he calls me an hour before he is supposed to leave and informs me we're over and he's not coming--without an explanation. So that's why I was all dressed up. It was most definitely the hardest breakup I'd ever faced because it hit me out of nowhere. And it was done so harshly. Aiden took a big piece of my heart.

"Sometimes I wish I was a kid again... skinned knees are a lot easier to fix than broken hearts."

"And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving your scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul."


"I remember when we kissed. 
I still feel it on my lips.
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing.
I remember those simple things.
I remember till I cry.
But the one thing I wish I'd forget 
The memory I want to forget
is goodbye."

Journal entry--Monday October 25, 2010

"I got one hour of sleep last night so today I fall asleep at a decent hour (midnight) and then seriously? Seriously!? SERIOUSLY?! I wake up from a nightmare at 2:30 a.m. wide awake with a pounding headache... seriously?!

Okay so all weekend I've been grieving the loss of my relationship with Aiden. I mean it was the worst, most unexpected breakup ever. In a few weeks, I meet this amazing man, fall in love with him (infatuation), only to get my heartbroken in the end. And honestly, I'm not over it yet. However, I'm done feeling sad and depressed and crying wondering how could he do this to me if he loved me and what did I do wrong? I did absolutely nothing wrong. I'm far from perfect, but I am an amazing girlfriend. Incredible, actually. I did everything right.

He ignored me out of nowhere, just acted like I didn't exist nor matter, like I was a stranger not his girlfriend. He lied to me. He ditched me and stood me up when I made him dinner. Then he had the nerve to say things were moving too fast and he needed time when he was the one talking about our future, the things we were going to do, and even marriage. He said he's afraid of the feelings and love.

Truth be told, I need a man with courage who will take my hand and stay by my side and not be a coward and walk away without a valid explanation. See, I'd rather be running toward someone than running away despite the fears and risks.

And when you love someone, you'd rather die than injure them and Aiden (who I gave my heart to because he promised to catch me when I fell for him and said I could trust him) took my heart, stomped all over it, neglected it, and just threw it back like it was entirely worthless.

I loved Aiden. I still do. And now, given some time and serious reflection, I'm actually kinda glad this all happened so I didn't fall deeper and harder. That would've hurt more. And I don't want to and refuse to be with a man who has no courage and would treat the woman he supposedly loves like he did me in the end. I deserve better, the best, a man who will treat me like a princess, confide in me as a best friend, and face love head on with me. Aiden may profess to love me, but actions speak louder than words. He is incredible. I have nothing bad to say about him as a person, only about the way he treated me."

Journal entry--Thursday October 28, 2010

"Choose your love, love your choice." -President Thomas S. Monson

"Haha yesterday, Hannah, Rian, and I went and got a pizza at the PieHole and brought it home and watched Boy Meets World at 1:00 a.m. Priceless times.

So Aiden has been trying to text me and call me all week. I've been ignoring him because of what he did to me. I finally answered tonight to get an explanation. It really didn't help much but oh well. He just apologized profusely. He said he does love me despite what he did. I honestly don't believe he does.

He said he went and talked to his bishop about it. He said he's just scared because of how fast it all happened and how intense the feelings were. He said he likes life how it is now and doesn't want it to change. He says he doesn't know what he wants in life, who he is, and what makes him happy.

Well I forgive him and am glad this all happened. I am brave and fearless. I know what I want and who I am and I'm only 21. Aiden is 24 and doesn't have any of that figured out? I most definitely don't want a man like that especially when it comes to love. He seems like the type who runs when things get tough, and that's the last person I want to be with. 

The more I look at the events that transpired, and Aiden and I's short relationship, the realization comes to me that I didn't love him. I loved who I thought he was, not who he really is. I guess it was infatuation. I fell fast and hard for him. He didn't catch me. So I got up and walked away, and I'm going on to much better things... I'm a step closer to finding the one..."

Journal entry--Thursday December 9, 2010

"Aiden came by my house tonight. It was the first time I've seen him since we broke up. He was finally dropping off my mom's broken lamp piece that he fixed. He made small talk for about ten minutes as he stood in the cold. I didn't invite him in because I didn't want to talk/hang out with him after what he did to me. I still have feelings for him in a way. You could tell he wanted to though.

I acted like I had no interest in talking to him whatsoever. He could tell because he kept stopping and shaking his head and saying "You hate me! You totally hate me!" to which I rightfully denied because it's not true. As I told him, I don't hate him. But I'm definitely not his biggest fan. I don't consider him a friend either (I didn't mention the previous sentence to him or this one.) You don't do what he did to me if you care about someone. I trusted him and he broke that.

Well he ran out of small talk and started to say how sorry he was about us, and I stopped him. I told him it's fine! It's great. I've moved on and am happy, never better. Then he said that he's going to be in town in a week or so for a game his sister is cheering for and wants to see me. He said he wants to take me to dinner. (I'm thinking to myself seriously? Seriously! Seriously?!-- A Grey's Anatomy Seriously obviously). I said maybe (that is a polite no in my language). He said he'd call me and then reached out and held me in his arms to give me a hug. I hugged him back--a goodbye forever (in my mind) hug and that was that.

All I can say is my mom sure better love me for getting that lamp piece back :)

On Christmas/around that time, Aiden started texting me again. He was suddenly all into me. He was wanting to hang out. But as far as I was concerned, we were done. I could never trust him. I hadn't been so close to someone as I was to him. I have serious trust issues now. He walked away. He hurt me and it won't happen again. 

The ending= Aiden made plans to go to dinner with me and I STOOD HIM UP. He was in total disbelief that anyone could do such a thing! I know it was rude and stupid to do the same thing he did to me. Revenge isn't the answer. That wasn't even my intention. I was going to go. I got all dressed up and everything but couldn't let myself. Aiden hasn't the slightest idea how much I cared about him and the damage he did on my heart.  
I really wish the best for him and hope he can figure things out... what he wants. After all, it's one of the worst things not knowing what you want... I'll always care about him. He holds a place in my heart no one will fill. I truly want him to have the best life ever... even if I am not in it.

#38 Swing on a rope swing 10/19/10

            #38 Swing on a rope swing

10/19/10

    I met this boy Aiden (name changed for privacy & because this person is no longer a part of my life) in Blackfoot so we could hang out. It was like a second date, I guess. I don't know my way around there. He took me to Jensen's Grove to walk around the lake/river/pond/reservoir/whatever-name-for-that-small-body-of-water at sunset. So it was all perfect movie moment. He tried to teach me how to skip a rock (unsuccessfully because I couldn't do it haha). We walked around the loop outside the lake, and he had previously heard about my list. Aiden decided he was determined to find a rope swing to accomplish #38 from my list. Sure enough, he found one! It was very flattering that he did that. It was cute how excited he got about the moment, like he never did things like this or cared about a girl like he did me... 

     I got on the rope swing, and Aiden pushed me and span me around till we were both unbelievably dizzy. We were laughing like little kids. It was a blast. I told him to stop but he wouldn't for a while. I promised I'd get him for that. He stopped and when I slowed down, I jumped off the swing determined to get him. So I started running towards him and fell down each time because I was so dizzy everything was spinning. He and I laughed so hard. He said I was like a drunk girl walking out of a bar. By the time I steadied myself and the world was back to normal, I told him it was his turn. He hopped on the swing and I pushed him around and wouldn't stop. Then he got off and fell like I did. Seriously, so much fun! We felt like kids and ran around the park, going down the slides and climbing on the playground toys without a care in the world. The kids who were there looked at us like we were crazy haha which it was in a good way. 

     Another sweet moment was when Aiden got all excited to cross #38 off of my list. He wanted to be the one to do it. I had my list with me. He took a pen and crossed it out. Then he kissed me. And then he talked about how we were going to accomplish the other things from my list (which will never happen now). I will never forget swinging on a rope swing and the story behind it.