5

Five is my favorite number.

I have five things to share.

1. Sometimes the things that take the longest to grow turn out the best.

2. Sometimes somethings that are not pretty on the outside are the most beautiful on the inside.

3. The best things in life give, even if it isn't very much.

4. We love the most the things and people we work hardest to help.

5. Sometimes things that are old are still very useful and valuable. 

It's An Almost Love Story [ies]: Pick Me. Choose Me. Love Me.

 Me lying on the bathroom feeling like Izzie from Grey's. I feel the same way as she did: "I feel like I'm moving in slow motion and everything around me is moving so fast... and I just want to go back to when things were normal."

 Me crying tonight over many things: loneliness, regrets, wishing I was a kid again, getting my hopes too high, opening my heart to have in broken, and my biggest fear--that I will become too comfortable with the idea of being lonely for the rest of my life.

 I guess it's just me and my blind optimism to blame.

Charley's Almost Love Stories...

Warning: This is going to be a long ranting post. I am having a not so great day. So I'm sorry if this won't be so inspirational, it's real though. There's this boy I really like (It's been discussed in a previous post about secrets), but as always in life, it's complicated. He likes this other girl and they had this like two year relationship. But he told me it was over basically and that he was having lunch with her to end it. Yeah... so he calls me later than night and says he still has feelings for her, but likes me because I'm cute and we have such a strong connection and I'm amazing (his words). I said flat out that I refused to be an option. I want to be someone's priority if we're going to date. He agreed and was fine with that. But yet he still really likes her. So I told him to just date her and see where it goes, and I will date other people too and if things don't work out between them and I'm still single, we can date. He doesn't seem too cool with that idea. 

So I sent him this e-mail and went all Meredith Grey on him. BAD IDEA. I did the Pick Me, Choose Me, Like (and maybe eventually love) Me. thing. Yeah I'm pretty positive that just freaked him out because he doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore. And it breaks my heart because he's everything I've been looking for and the chemistry and connection between us is unexplainable yet undeniable. We'll see what happens there... I hope things work out, and if they don't I just have to have faith that I will find the right guy if I'm supposed to.

I'm an amazing girlfriend. I give whoever I'm dating 100%. I would do anything for them and am selfless. I'm going to explain a history of the past year of relationships and how they've gone for me (horribly). I write in journals nearly everyday so there will be lots of details because I wrote them down. I will put the name in a large font and explain the situation of each boy I've dated in the past year. I'm going to start with Emery. This entry will focus on just him and our story that started in April. I will continue in the next few days with the other guys.

EMERY

April 2010

I got over this two and a half year relationship and started this fling with a boy named Emery (name changed). We clicked and got along great. He was nice and funny. But then he started lying to me. He would be inconsistent in stories. I got really worked up about it because the first night we really hung out, as I walked Emery to his car, we stood under a streetlamp by his car. When I looked into his eyes and felt his hug, saw his sweet smile some indescribable feeling shot through me. I got butterflies. I was so happy. I wondered if he felt the same way. He was so hard to read. I didn't even understand why I cared so much about being closer than friends with him. We could never be more than friends. I didn't want to have a summer romance with him because he was leaving on a mission and it would make things worse because the summer romance would end, and Emery would move on. I didn't want to be played.

I'm just always so afraid of rejection, of not being good enough, of getting a broken heart. 

Well Emery had to get his wisdom teeth out and I took him a special Jamba Juice called a Pink Star (I highly recommend them). I met his mom and siblings and they were the sweetest. We played games together and had a great time. I wasn't shy around them and could be myself. Emery had always been a little shy, but that day he started coming out of his shell. He was such a sweetheart. I thought I was falling for him. He felt the same way. He said he thought I was beautiful and a good LDS girl. We both get butterflies around each other. I was falling for him, but I couldn't. I didn't want to because as I said, it wouldn't work out. I didn't want to get hurt. Haha I remember in one of my college classes I wrote every word of the lecture down, but I didn't remember anything because I couldn't concentrate. All I could think about was Emery.

The next day, Emery and I were supposed to hang out, but he said he still felt bad because of his wisdom teeth thing. This is the text he sent me when I asked what he was going to do instead:

Be thinkin of a really awesome girl! But she hates me now!! :( But I wanna be with her all day tomorrow and hold her hand tomorrow and kiss her to make up for today! But she hates me!! :(

Of course that wasn't true. I didn't hate him. I had a better time that night with my girls instead. I went to Ross Park with Jordan (my sister), McHale (my sister), and Lacey (Jordan's friend). There was no one there. It was awesome haha. Swinging is the closest thing to flying (besides skydiving). It was freezing cold but worth it. After it got too cold, Hannah and Christian (my brother) joined us and we went for milkshakes. Then we came home and Hannah, McHale, and I played cards--BS (which I won!) and Rummy. Fun times.

Anyways, the next night Emery and I met at a park at 10:00 at night. It was dark, but there were street lights on. We were the only ones there. We went swinging. It was way fun just swinging and talking. My heart sped up around him. I was falling for him despite my intentions.

We decided to walk around because a creepy/suspicious car pulled up. As we walked, Emery put his arm around me! Then we started holding hands. It was all so perfect. We walked under a street light and Emery stopped, pulled me close to him, and kissed me. It was so sweet, like a scene from a movie.

Then we continued walking until he found a good spot to sit on the grass. We both lied down in the grass and cuddled and talked. I've never felt the feelings I felt with him that night, so amazing words couldn't describe it. We weren't shy around each other. He made me smile non stop. He kept calling me beautiful and saying cute things. What I loved most was when he would randomly start kissing me on the cheek and head. He said the night was perfect too.

Well I started to get doubts about Emery. I'm the queen of second guessing everything. So my dear friend (and past ex) Dakota gave me some relationship advice. It's rare to get advice from guys, especially good advice, and even more so when it's your ex.

Me: "So there's this amazing boy (Emery)... but it would never work, wishful thinking."

Dakota: "Mental is half of it! If you don't think you can, then ya won't ya know? Gotta go and give it your best shot! What's the worst that can happen? Him telling you no, right? No harm in words haha... you got it!"

Me: "Haha... true. Thanks Dakota :)"

Dakota: "Haha you're welcome Charley! :)"

Meanwhile, Emery would send me cute text messages such as:

I love when we kiss cuz it's like a bolt of lighting going through me. I get all warm and I am also falling for you.

Ok I wanna kiss you! Then do it again and again! :):)

I loved holding your hand, kissing you hands, holding your hand!!! :)

I was falling for him
. 

Then it all changed on April 13, 2010. This next part is word for word from journal entries.

"I no longer like the number 13. I don't like today. I don't like Emery, and I don't like boys in general. I am so clueless and dumb. So Emery and I hang out and stuff at his house. We watched The Blind Side and he kept hugging me, kissing me, holding my hand. I told him I don't believe in being friends with benefits, and I'm not that kind of girl so if he wanted to kiss and be more than friends, we needed to be dating. He clearly seemed uncomfortable with the suggestion. I kept talking about it and finally he agreed (reluctantly) to be dating. I thought we had a good morning/afternoon, but he was being like pretty much every other stupid boy. All he wanted was a pretty nice girl to NCMO (Non Commitment Make Out) with, and the worst part is, I fell for it and thought he actually liked me for me.

I'm so done with boys and love. It's a waste of time. SLFL... Single Lady For Life because then I won't keep getting hurt. Seriously done. I'm going to just focus on school and getting my degree in Radiology and accomplishing my goals and no one will stand in my way especially not a stupid boy. I'm going to support myself. I don't need a man. I can shine brighter on my own.

And you won't see me cry over this. Not worth the tears. I truly don't care. Actually, I did learn a good lesson--to be even more guarded and hard to get. I won't let anyone else use me. A kiss means something to me. I'm not kissing anyone else unless it's one of the 1% of the good, amazing guys out there, but it's not going to happen so I'm not holding my breath."

So Emery texted me the next night, and I explained I was hurt and felt like he used me. He said he was sorry and he liked me a lot. He said he didn't want to be in a serious relationship because he's leaving on a mission in a few months. I said I understood because I did. He should be concentrating and preparing for his mission not being caught up with me. Then he said he just wanted to have fun before he goes. I told him I don't want to be just another girl on his list of girls to have fun with. He got mad because he said I'm calling him a player. I wasn't meaning to, I'm just guarded. 

"Gotta love the irony of my life... I meet this amazing boy who I can't have a relationship with who is leaving in two months for two years and only wants to have fun. I don't know whether to laugh hysterically or cry uncontrollably. In the words of Nicholas Sparks "Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons. But when all is said and done, they have one thing in common: They are shooting stars a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they're gone" Okay so I know it's technically not summer and we only really hung out a few times in the last two weeks, but what we had was a romance, not love and it was over in an instant so I was reminded of that quote. I know everything happens for a reason and that everyone in your life is there for a reason. I'm not sure Emery's purpose, but I'm sure I will someday. Also maybe I'm not meant for love or getting married in this life."

Sooooo just when I thought things couldn't get worse, they did through a Facebook status conversation. (Names of people who aren't close friends or family will be changed to protect identities)

Me: "So done with love, because love has given up on me :("

Christian (my brother): "Is that quote by Chuck Norris?"

Aubrey (best friend): "I think that you should just go for older guys, you keep going for guys younger than you. Give them time to mature a bit."

Derek: "As sad as it is I agree with you. F--- love."

Cal: "So this last little thing didn't last long I take it, eh?"

Sam (my ex and boyfriend before Emery): "You gave up on love first."

Me: "No I didn't. Christian-- No it's not, Love doesn't give up on Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris gives up on love. Aubrey-- Amen sister. Guys are like two years in maturity behind girls. So I definitely need to find an older guy. Derek--Yeah it is true and it sucks. Cal--Yeah not long at all.

Cal: "Well I love ya Char, in the friend way! I almost want to define love for one of the past posters (aka Sam) but I will keep it to myself."

Richard: "Doing well using the help seeker power base. My advice is to use it to your social network to find someone, lay it kinda heavy too so they have an idea that's what you're drawing from, and maybe a connection can be made. If you aren't looking for that "kind" or love, I may have misread."

Madison: "I know what you mean :( but hey, look on the bright side... it can only go up from here :) It gets better."

Xavier: "That's funny. I didn't know being a whore and cheating on your boyfriend of however long=love giving up on you."

I DID NOT CHEAT on Sam. He was spreading those rumors. And later on Xavier apologized for that comment. I am a good girl.

"I know I should never ever complain about life and trials because I'm so blessed. Each second a gift, but people can be so cruel. I guess Sam told Xavier (and probably many others who will spread it around and around) that I'm a whore and cheated on him which is all false. I'm a good girl. I didn't start hanging out with Emery until after I broke up with Sam, and Emery and I never have or will date.

Oh and top things off, Emery calls me today, and I get all excited and my heart lights up cause normally he doesn't like talking on the phone. So I answer and what does he want? He wants to know the name of the Jamba Juice I brought him when he got his wisdom teeth out last week. I also thought I heard a girl in the background. I told him and that was the end of our conversation. He hasn't talked to or texted me since. Go figure.

I know people say sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I think they were lying and I disagree. Wounds, bruises, and scratches heal, but words haunt you forever. I cried many times today even though I tried will all of me to fight back tears. 

I just have to stay strong and rely on the Lord and know no matter how hard things get, I can overcome and endure to the end. He won't put me through anything I can't handle and is always with me and loves me more than anyone.

I think maybe I found Emery's purpose:

"You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter." -Nicholas Sparks

A few weeks later, Emery invited me up to his place to play games with his family. I went despite my confusions. Hannah and McHale were mad at me about it.

So Emery met me outside his house. He ran over and hugged me and kissed my head. We played some card games and Apples to Apples with his sister Anna and her friend Trenton. They were so nice. Emery held me in his arms as he walked me to my car under a starlit sky. He would hold me from behind and hug me and I got the best feeling. I loved it. Emery gave me a sweet goodnight kiss and said he liked me as more than a friend. So maybe there's hope, maybe not, but we will see in eternity. I know everything will happen as it should if I'm doing what's right. When the time is right I will find out Emery's purpose. Either way, he is a good friend, great sibling (to his siblings), and will make an amazing missionary.

The next day, I hung out with Emery after work. He picked me up at my house and we went and ran errends and picked up his brother and sister. We all had a really good time penny surfing. I love his siblings. They were way fun and reminded me of mine. We had a lot of fun.

We didn't get to hang out long, but Emery took me to his garage and kissed me and said he was falling in love with me. Yet he wouldn't date me?! It made absolutely no sense. It was a rather quiet drive to my house. I brought up the dating thing again and he absentmindedly answered "I don't know" and was clearly uncomfortable with the suggestion. The whole Emery thing confused me in nearly every way, so I wasn't sure what was going on in his head, and he hadn't been texting me like all that night. I'm thinking I'm done with him because obviously he can't be just my friend cause I don't want a friend with benefits, but he wouldn't date me so yeah. Whatev. He confused me more than anyone I'd met in a while. I think he was potentially a player so I didn't think we'd ever hang out again. I was done with boys. I want a man.

Then things changed. 
I felt like a terrible person (there is me second guessing again!) basically. All that time I was afraid Emery would prejudge me because my family and the fact that we aren't as wealthy, etc. I was the one who judged him, but it was because I was scared of getting hurt.

All of that time I thought Emery was using me. So not the case. He was just way busy and focusing on his mission and he should be! I apologized profusely for questioning his intentions and thinking he was playing me, and I was just another girl.

He really did like me and was just a little shy like me. I really liked him too. I should've followed my heart and not questioned it. I've learned my lesson. I just hoped this wouldn't ruin things between us.

I had an awesome night with Emery, his family, and Trenton (Anna's boyfriend). They were all nice (as I've stated many times). I loved the spirit I felt so strongly in their house and all around them. I loved how they all got along and genuinely loved one another.

His mom was so sweet. She made us milkshakes and popcorn. Emery, Trenton, Anna, Seth (Emery's little brother), and I watched Avatar. Trenton and I were the only ones who hadn't seen it. Emery and I cuddled and held hands. The movie was amazing, but we didn't finish because it was so late and it's way long, but we decided we were going to finish it another time. I liked Emery a lot!

Journal Entry--April 28,2010

"Emery. To make a long and complicated story short, he used me. He only wanted to kiss me, and he tried to do a lot more than that, but thankfully I wouldn't let him. I will always hold strong to my ideals and morals. Everything he said about me being his best friend and him falling in love with me were complete lies. And he was lying last week when I confronted him about being a player. I actually felt bad for assuming it because he insisted it wasn't true, and I took his word for it, despite my better judgment because he's going on a mission.

Lesson learned: Trust your feelings and instincts and just because some boy claims to be good LDS RM or going on a mission, doesn't mean they are a good person. Oh and a bit of humor, don't date guys who are shorter than me, it's awkward. And don't date younger guys=they are immature. 

Overall lesson= Follow the spirit and pray. Also, I've been able to stand up for myself and not let guys walk all over me and use me. I deserve to be happy and treated like a princess and won't settle for less. For the first time, I feel so free and amazingly happy."

Pretty Little Liar---Gotta Secret, Can You Keep It?!

Secrets

We all have them. I was inspired to write this entry partly because of my obsession of the show Pretty Little Liars but also to share some of my secrets. I think it's healthy to keep certain secrets. Everyone deserves some privacy in life. But I believe too many secrets bottled up inside you can lead to trouble. I also think that "white lies" are beneficial and good. It's up to you to differentiate when those lies are appropriate. But I don't like people who lie about everything or are living a lie. 

So.... I have a great story about a situation where lying lead to amazing things in my life. It's pretty hilarious. Back in the day when I was a silly preteen, my friends and I would always do funny things and play pranks. Well I came up with this crazy story that the kid who played Beans (Steven Anthony Lawrence) on the TV show Even Stevens was my cousin. (I know it's random, don't ask why, I have no clue where I came up with that!) My siblings and family went along with it. My friends all totally believed it.

Well in 2004, when I was a Freshman in high school, I got on this IMDB message board for Steven Anthony Lawrence and wrote a post that said I was his cousin. I got a reply from an actor named Cole Evan Weiss (he's been on House and The Sandlot 2) and he was like "Oh really, you're his cousin? That's funny because he's sitting right next to me and doesn't recall he has a cousin named Charley." 

I blushed and was so embarrassed! So Cole gave me his e-mail address and I sent him this HUGE apology that said "I am really really really really really really (the really's went on about 100 times) sorry." And I explained it was a harmless joke. Well he was totally cool about it, and we started a friendship! We would write each other back and forth about my life and his. He is such a sweetheart. He sent me an autographed picture and here is a picture of it!

Overall, however, I think it's best to be honest. I think trust is one of the most important things in the world, especially in relationships. I am real all the time. I may do silly, harmless things like the story above, but I am an honest and genuine girl. I believe in me and I am who you see. I'm not just words, I mean what I say and am not just talk.

Quotes on secrets

"Secrets are made to be found out with time."

-Charles Sanford

"We dance round in a ring and suppose, while the secret sits in the middle and knows."

-Robert Frost

"No one keeps a secret so well as a child."

-Victor Hugo

"The secret of two is God's secret, the secret of three is everybody's secret."

-Proverb

"Three can keep a secret; if two of them are dead."

-Benjamin Franklin

"I am not very good at keeping secrets at all! If you want your secret kept do not tell me!"

-Miley Cyrus

"Actions are visible, though motives are secret."

-Samuel Johnson

"Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don't keep it a secret."

-Mary Kay Ash

"Maybe I'm not the person everyone thinks I am."

-Emily Fields

"One can't underestimate how much the past influences the present."

-Pretty Little Liars

"We've all got secrets."

-Toby Cavanaugh

"Secrets have a way of getting out."

-Jenna Cavanaugh

"You think the truth is some big shiny disco ball of purity. Then go ahead and try it. Be honest. See what it gets you. Telling the truth to the wrong person at the wrong time is how I ended up where I am. Take it from me. You're always better off with a really good lie."

-Allison DiLaurentis

"If lying was a crime, we would all be in jail."

-Emily Fields

"Friends share secrets. That's what keeps us close."

-Allison DiLaurentis

"Sometimes telling the truth does more harm than good."

-Hanna Marin

"Truth only means something when it's hard to admit."

-Veronica "Ronnie" Miller, The Last Song

"No matter how many lies you try to bury it with you can't hide the truth."

-Charley Brooke

"The truth is hard. The truth is awkward and very often, the truth hurts. I mean people think they want the truth. But do they really?"

-Meredith Grey

"The truth is painful. Deep down nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home. Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can't help ourselves. Sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much."
-Meredith Grey

"The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not.."

-Meredith Grey

"When it comes to love you need not fall but rather surrender. Surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another.  you must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another and most importantly you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another."

"Do you wanna be the boy I tell all of my secrets to, or the boy all my secrets are about?"

"I've heard that its possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience, like children- we never give up hope."

-Meredith Grey

"Trust is a fragile thing. Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest to can betray us, and total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned."

-Mary Alice Young, Desperate Housewives

10 of Charley's Secrets

That's right I'm gonna spill some of my heart out to you. 

 1. I really like this boy at the moment. Luckily, I don't think he will read this (fingers crossed) haha. We're boyfriend/girlfriend supposedly. But, he doesn't want to make it FB official. Which is NBD (No Big Deal) to me. But then again, it kinda is. It kinda worries me because I'm thinking why wouldn't he want people to know we're dating?! Are there other girls he's interested in? I will have you know though that we've only hung out once in two years. He just got back from a mission and we hung out last night and decided to be bf/gf. He's amazingly cute, has the most gorgeous eyes and smile, the best sense of humor, has the same goals/interests/values as me. We just click. The chemistry is undeniable and overwhelming. Anyways, I don't trust like 99.9% of boys because they are either A)Immature and players and just want to have fun and not be serious or B) Conceited and self obsessed and think it should be all about them. I am not in a rush to get serious right away. I believe in becoming best friends first. I think that's the best kind of relationship. I want to marry my best friend. I think you should get to know each other first and take that slow. But when it comes to relationships, I think there are guys who grow up thinking they'll settle down some distant time in the future, and there are guys who are ready for marriage as soon as they meet the right person. The former bore me, mainly because they're pathetic, and the latter, quite frankly, are hard to find. But it's the serious ones I'm interested in, and it takes time to find a guy like that whom I'm equally interested in. I mean, if the relationship can't survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term? I am the queen of second guesses. So I am just going to see where things go and have fun with this. I believe I will know when I find the one and everything will work out as it should.  

2. I love love love writing. Like seriously, it's my passion. (If you couldn't tell by this blog). I love inspiring people with my writing. I truly believe words are powerful. Communication is everything. I mean you need actions to back up the talk, but words are important. I write everyday whether it be in school, on my blog, I journal almost everyday, and I even write stories. Most of the time, I burn my stories or tear them apart and throw them away because I think they are awful when I am finished with them. I have a few I've been working on that I have faith in. The older I've gotten the better my writing has become. I'd love to publish some books someday. If I get enough people on my Inspiration Nation (aka YOU!) who want to read excerpts, I will post some so I can get your feedback. The next two pictures are my entire collection of journals (I want to burn them some days, but I never will because they are my memories and are dear to me) and a bad picture of me when I was 14 winning the Young Authors contest in my city.

3. I HATE my smile. I want to love it. I really do. But I hate it. It's the one thing I can't stand about myself (of many). People tell me they love it. I want to love it too and use it. I am working on accepting it. I think it looks like a baby smile, when I really want a big girl smile, like a full big toothy smile. I do love smiling though. It's amazing. And I think one of the best feelings in the world is making someone smile and receiving smiles from people and strangers. Here's some pictures of my smile :(

4. My dream job is actually like 5... model/doctor/actress/detective/writer. Life would be perfect if I could do all of those things. Seriously! I was a model when I was 16 for Sears. That's a secret too. I am going to college to become a radiologist. I would like to be a radiation oncologist someday. I would love to travel to less fortunate countries and donate free medical care. I'd love to be an actress especially on Grey's Anatomy you all know Imma Grey's An-addict. It's on my list of things to do before I die. (So if anyone related to people who work/act/produce Grey's then hook me up please :) I would love that haha even if I am just an extra or patient it would be a dream come true!).

5. If I could have any talent that I don't have, it would be a beautiful voice. I wish I could sing. I sing in the shower and that's it. My singing voice=no bueno. And it's sad because I'd love so much to do musicals and plays and rock at karaoke! My dream is to be Maria in a play of West Side Story. I think I can  sing like her (kinda?). There's another secret. WSS is my favorite musical ever. I am in love with it. I am in love with Tony. If I had a good voice I would sing all the time and in front of people!

 6. It really annoys me when people freak out when I don't text them back right away or at all. I am a busy busy girl. With school, work, family, and all the other stuff in life, sometimes I'm just too busy to text. And if I don't text you back, it doesn't mean I hate you, or I'm ignoring you, or I don't want to be your friend anymore! Sometimes I get so busy I forget someone texted me. So I apologize to those people. I just wish people would get that I'm not a big texter most of the time... unless I'm like out of town or I have a boyfriend or it's family. But if I don't text you back just chill. I prefer talking on the phone or in person over texting any day! 

7. I believe in living each moment of everyday to the absolute fullest. Make each second count. I want to live an adventurous life having fun and helping others. I love doing random things. I want to dance in the rain, kissing in the rain, go on a drive and get lost, spin in circles at a park until you're so dizzy you fall over, go swinging at midnight under a starry sky, take pictures at random places, blow bubbles, have a foam fight or pillow fight, bubble baths, surprises, making someone's day, jumping in piles of leaves, water wars, volunteering in any way, tickle wars, jumping out of airplanes, driving in the car with all the windows down blasting your favorite song, climbing a hill and laying on the ground watching the sunset, playing games and talking with family and friends, or just cuddling with someone I really like watching a good movie. I love learning. I love being alive!

8. There is a land called "Passive-aggressiva" and I am their queen. True story. I am like ultra-nice. I cannot be mean to people even if I try. It's a major flaw. Haha I was dating this boy named Emery last year and I felt like he used me so on Facebook my status said I don't need anger management, I need some sort of anger lessons because I can't get mad/mean with people. Well one of my old high school teachers named Mr. Nelson left me the best comment: "It's called Fight Club. I'm pretty sure I just got kicked out for mentioning it." Haha. Gotta love that. 

9. My family is crazy. I don't get them and probably never will. But I love them more than anything. You've probably heard rumors of all sorts. I swear we should have our own reality show with all the drama that goes on. But as the saying goes, we may not have it all together, but together we have it all. I love them with all of my heart. My parents are divorced. My mom is married? to a man I won't speak of because it's not worth my time, I will leave that at that. My dad just got married last week at 10 at night haha it was random. But his new wife Angie is a sweetheart, and I love my new stepsiblings. My dad's name is Ron. My mom is named Angie. I have three younger siblings: McHale (sister) 19, Jordan (sister) 16, and Christian (brother--he's basically my twin seven years apart because we were born on the same day!) 14.

10. I wish I lived in the 1920's or 1940's. Yes I realize we didn't have all the technology and things that make our lives so much easier and better, but I think values were better and families stayed together. I think there was more love and it was romantic. There were more manners. I guess I wish that the culture, dress, manners, and way of life back then could be practiced in today's society. I wish things were like The Notebook and Titanic. The women wore the most gorgeous dresses, shoes, jewelry, and clothing. The men dressed handsomely and in elegant attire like suits. Everyone was proper and had manners. Men were chivalrous. I LOVE chivalry. I believe in it and expect it. Men courted girls, were polite, took you on real dates--dancing, movies, fairs, picnics, moonlit strolls, etc. Oh and drive in movies! I'm in love with everything about those decades. It's where my heart is. The music was great as well--big band, jazz, and classical music. I love it. I wish I could have the best of both worlds. I feel like men were romantic then. I know I just have to stay positive and hopeful. I will find my prince someday.