Love Is

How do you know when you're in love with someone?

I don't mean love in the sense of the way you love your family (from the moment your heart starts beating, the first breath into your lungs, the safety and history as familiar as the sun or stars--knowing they'll be there day and night, one of the other) or they way you love your friends (aka the family you choose or who choose you such as I've loved Aubrey since we decided to have our first sleepover when she was 5 and I was 4 and the fact that we were complete strangers couldn't stop us from becoming friends forever, a love that is never ending, a love where even if we haven't seen each other in way too long, nothing's changed and it's like we were never apart, a true best friend becoming sisters by choice [she's my older sister and I'm here younger sister] or the way I love Deedra even though we just met last year or I never thought you could make a new, amazing friend that would develop into one of the best friendships at my age even though we started our as co-workers being obligated to spend 9 hours, nearly 5 days a week, in a small office space having to work together, spend a large part of our time with one another, and now spending time together even outside of work by choice and knowing we'd do anything for the other, or the way I love Taylor and have since we first met as teenagers and with a love that defies distance because through that distance we've become closer than ever bonding our hearts together through words, connecting by letters that mean more than even the words and individual letters handwritten in them)?

NO, I KNOW how that love works unconditionally, undeniably, irrevocably--carried in your heart. I mean how do you know when you are in love, that you've met the "one" you will marry and be together forever? How do you realize that the love story you have spent your waking and sleeping, your hopes, your dreams, and prayers, and wishes on stars, birthday candles, on paper, out loud, at 11:11, as you watch A Walk To Remember, Charly, Titanic, The Notebook, and it's what gets you through the trails and heartaches? 

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

...until the words and days blur together, until waiting begins to feel like an emotion or a ghost haunting you , until waiting defines you and transforms into as much a part of the love you are searching for.

Is love when there are no doubts or worries or fears or questioning or wondering or second guessing or is it when you care so much about someone that none of the above matters, all that is important is that person and you put your trust in them and take a leap of faith knowing the risk but finding the greater risk is not taking the chance or making the moment and praying that he will catch you and instead of falling you will fly higher than the stars? Is it the opposite? Do you find the answer like in the movies and fairytales, at first glance across a crowded room or in the first kiss and finding it will be your last? Is it in the boy who never gives up on you and will kiss you in the pouring rain, dance with you in the middle of the road under a starlit sky with no music except the sound of him singing for you or the symphony of your heartbeats, or builds your dream house, or writes you a love letter every single day like Noah?

Is it in the boy like Landon Carter who takes you by surprise, who changes and makes you change into your best self, who helps you accomplish all of the goals and things on your list of things to do before you die just to see your smile and make you happy, who makes promises he won't fall in love with you and vice versa but finds in his heart is yours, and yours beats inside his chest, and without the other you're incomplete, who is always patient, always kind, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and endures all things?

Does it wash over you slowly like a light rain shower or crash into you like a wave, like a storm, soaking you into your very bones and lighting up your heart like lightning? Does it change the reflection you see in the mirror? Is it at a steady pace or racing like a sprinter? Is love when you don't have to ask yourself any of these questions because you find the answer in a feeling you get that's always been there and is found in the eyes of the one you're meant to be with and you just know it more than you know yourself, more than you know anything?

All I know is love, true love, is out there... that it's worth all the questions you have and the loneliness leading you to it. Love is worth everything, anything, and more. I'm certain there's a reason for the wait. You must do the seeking and praying and preparing before the finding, before you've found L.O.V.E. Four ordinary, common letters that form together what they cannot even apart: the most beautiful, extraordinary, rare, meaningful word to ever exist...to be thought, to be written, to be said, to be heard, to be felt. 

Love is worth it.

Love never fails.

Love is seeing an imperfect person perfectly, the person perfect for you and that you're perfect to.

<W3/L (With Love)

 Charley Brooke

Begin Again (2013)

2013

twenty thirteen

Happy New Years!

aka the best year of our lives.

The year that makes even fairytale characters jealous (:

"This is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one."

NEW YEAR, NEW LIFE!

"This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change."

-Taylor Swift

"In our perfect ways.

In the ways we are beautiful.

In the ways we are human.

WE ARE HERE.

Happy New Years.

Lets make it ours."

-Beyonce

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Oh lovelies, how I've missed you.

My New Years resolution is to be a better blogger. To share more. To inspire inspire inspire. Always.

I have never stopped writing and I won't until my last breath. Because writing is like breathing to me. It's essential to my life. What's the purpose of writing without letting others read it though? I vow to be better.

I know it technically isn't New Years, it's the 14th... still, better late than never.

Lets forget what's gone. 

Appreciate what still remains.

And look forward to what's coming next.

There's a word for what we will make this year annus mirabilis (n.) (phr.) a remarkable or notable year in history, a year of wonders. 

Fresh stars. Thanks to the calender, they happen every year. Just set your watch to January. Our reward for surviving the holiday season is a New Year. Bringing on the great tradition of New Years resolutions. Put the problems of your past behind you and start over. It's hard to resist the chance at a new beginning. A chance to put the problems of last year to bed. To make every single second count. This is our year. This is your year. This is my year. 2013. No one knows how much time they are going to have on this lovely planet we call earth, our home. Tragedies are everywhere. In the blink of an eye, an instant, a breath everything in your world can change... for better or worse. We can change things in the time it takes to say hello to a stranger, to build up the courage and suppress the beating heart and admit how you feel to someone, to say the words that run through you like blood "I love you" to the one you love, to take a chance, to build, to break, to make. We all suffer. Lets resolve to give unconditional kindness to everyone. Lets vow to open up more and not let that ridiculous monster of a feeling called "fear" stand in our way. Take risks and chances. BELIEVE. I challenge everyone to be a little better [A LOT better] especially myself. Drop fears and walls and regrets and everything holding you back from living the life you deserve, the life of your dreams. Let people in. As my good friend Ferris Bueller famously stated: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Be brave, have heart, and don't take a single moment for granted.

If I want 2013 to be a year that even fairytale characters and Disney movies are jealous of, then I will go out there and never give up on making my dreams come true and saving others along the way. I know there will be hard times, dragons to slay (in the form of trials and hardships), but I'm ready. I do not fear the hardships to come. My fearcely beating heart is fearless. Alive, alive, alive. I'm a princeless princess, but I'm still a princess. I'll be unforgettable. Imprinted in words on this blog, on the pages of my journals, and in your hearts. Maybe this year I'll find my prince. Maybe I'll save a life (or many). Maybe I'll save myself. Maybe my prince will ride in on a white horse to save me. Maybe he'll sweep me off my feet when I least expect it. Maybe he'll make me fall, and together we will fly, he will catch me in his arms and never let go. Maybe it's not time yet. But I know one day my prince will come. One day all of my dreams will come true... so will yours... and we'll live happily ever forever. Whether in 2013 or 2015. I have to believe it. BELIEVE. You believe it too. Always be believing. Belief makes things real, makes them true. Until then... new life, new me, better me, best me :) HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013 [twenty thirteen]

<W3/L (With Love),

C

i heart you lovelies.

"The first of the first,

the promise of being new,

of beginning, now."

-Tyler Knott Gregson

Hiding My Heart (Worlds Apart)

I went missing.

Disappeared.

Did anyone notice?

I missed you.

Where did July go? 

It vanished with me, or maybe I became invisible in it.

Either way, I am back.

I have soooo much inspiration & stuff to share & talk about. 

I feel tired and uninspired at times.

And I wrote this last night...

I want to catch a break but I'm only breaking down. Breaking apart. Broken. Falling, falling, forever. Falling to pieces. Fading. Invisible. Disappearing. Gone. And no one notices or cares. It's an effortless mess, my SOS, calling out to deaf ears in distress. The girl (me, I) is hopeless. She's open for suggestions and directions. She can barely breathe. Countless questions.  Is she wonderful? Do you wonder about her? Or is it any wonder [her fate]? Full of wonder. Wondering. Waiting. Is it mere coincidence the fact that fate rhymes with wait, or is it something deeper? I'm getting weaker. And you, you, you. You. It ends with you, or more accurately begins with you. Always you. Only you. Perfect you. The one. Will you come slowly or run? She can be found if only you look. Find me. Save me. Embrace me. Press me to you. Hold me. Tighter. Never letting go, or you'd fall too. Strength in two becoming one. Learn me. Feel me. Catch me. Memorize me. Love me. I am yours forever. Irrevocably. Unconditionally. Enduring. Wishing. Hoping. Dreaming. Living. Flying. Breathing. Like stars crashing into each other at the speed of our hearts in a cold, dark light-years-length, infinite galaxy, transforming into one radiant, bright, shining star bursting, glowing, filling the sky, and each other, with warmth, light, and electricity. We are a star. You are my star. Guide me home.

Yeah it's kind of rough and inconsistent and a mess, but it was from the heart. That's what matters right?

Okay August had better be amazing for all of us lovelies. Lets make it so... no matter what. 

 "Entwined. All that we are is defined by each others shipwrecked hearts and I shiver to think what would have been if I wouldn't have seen you in time... would we we pass by? Like parachutes and air balloons or satellites and lonely moons. We'd still be drifting far apart but thank the stars we are entwined. All that you are is mine. Your divine imperfections color the dark, and I shiver to see how fragile you are when the world's such a cruel place to be. Then you cut me free. Lets walk the tightrope together without a safety net and when we fall, and we will fall, lets fall forever... entwined."

-Jason Reeves

 "Life is the most fragile, unstable, unpredictable thing there is."

-Meredith Grey

 "All anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know we're not alone."

-Meredith Grey

 "The only time I don't feel like a ghost is when you look at me. You see me."

-Owen Hunt

 "Don't forget--no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell."

-Charles de Lint

 "Some people say home is where you come from. But I think it's a place you need to find, like it's scattered and you pick pieces of it up along the way."

-Katie Kacvinsky

 "That's what love is. It's some power greater than you and me that draws us to one special person."

-Jodi PiCoult

 "You have to take chances in life to get anywhere worthwhile."

-Me

 "Our paths keep crossing

but never quite touch

You're so close I can almost feel you

Yet impossibly out of reach

When will our parallel paths

become only one?"

-Me

 "You don't love someone because they're perfect. You love them in spite of the fact that they're not. Because they are perfect in your eyes."

 "Every now and then something amazing happens and best case scenarios seem possible. And against our better judgment, we start to have hope."

-Meredith Grey

"Sometimes the only way to catch your breath is to lose it completely."

-Tyler Knott Gregson

 Brie & CiCi on the 4th of July!

"You only make a once in a lifetime friend... once in a lifetime!"

-The Little Rascals

Have an amazing day lovelies... always remember that someone is (or will be) lucky to have you.

With love,

Charley Brooke

Grapevine Fires (IDAHO is BURNING) & Rising from the Ashes

F I R E

These are pictures of the Charlotte Fire (as it is being called) or the Mink Creek/Gibson Jack Fire in Pocatello, Idaho aka where I live.

On Thursday, the day started out just fine and then went up in flames literally!

I was leaving work and stepped outside to see this fire! Right as I got outside the hospital doors I am facing these HUGE plumes and clouds of smoke darkening the sky. The flames raged wildly. I could see them from where I was standing. It looked like a volcano exploded or a war zone! I was in complete shock. Pocatello was burning. What was the most frightening thing was that my family live up Gibson Jack right where the fire was.

It was the worst fire I have ever witnessed in my life. I immediately pulled out my phone and called my mom. My stomach churned and twisted in knots with fear and anxiety when she answered, crying and freaking out. My heart sunk. My mother explained that the police were not letting people go up Mink Creek and Gibson Jack or anywhere near the fire. She said it was close to our house and that she and Bob (my stepdad) thought the house was going to burn down!
I raced to my grandma's house (where we had all decided to meet) listening to Death Cab for Cutie's "Grapevine Fires" and praying, praying, praying that our house would be saved, praying for a miracle in a situation completely out of control. My mom, Jordan (sister), Chrish (brother), my grandma, Madison (Jordan's friend), and my Aunt Michelle were all gathered together in the living room glued to the TV screen as the news reporters updated us on the fire.

I felt so bad for my mother who couldn't stop sobbing. She was worried because Bob went up to our house, climbed the hill, so that he could save our horses and let them free. He was taking a long time. We couldn't get a hold of him and it scared us because he has bad asthma. 

We were all incredibly relieved when Bob pulled up safe and sound in his truck. My mom ran to him and embraced him. He was upbeat, calm, and positive in the time of such a crises. I love that about him, always optimistic and hopeful. He let the horses go. They got away. He thought our home was going to turn to ashes and burn down. He took some stunning, terrifying videos of the raging inferno that was only yards away from our home.

Everyone who lived in or near the fire was evacuated. For a few hours, we sat, paced, talked, prayed, and waited ever so anxiously and nervously for the outcome. The question that hung heavier than the summer heat in the air was suffocating: will the house be burned to the ground, leaving my family homeless? Or would we be ever so blessed with a miracle, that our house would be spared?

All the while we were reminded of what truly matters, the most important thing is each other, the ones we love, family, people. Home isn't where your material possessions are stored. It isn't a place with polished hardwood floors or chandeliers hanging from vaulted ceilings or big theater rooms filled with every movie imaginable. Home is in the hearts of the ones we love. Home is family. Home is each other.

What a beautiful thing this life is, no matter the fire that burns all around us. If we just stick together, hold onto each other, and never take anyone or anything for granted, then I know we can make it through anything, through everything. Fire doesn't just destroy, it refines and purifies. It may hurt and burn at the onset, but the end result shines bright as the stars. Life is about thriving and triumphing after tragedy, together forever.

We kept getting mixed messages from friends of our family members that our house was burned one minute and the next that it was spared. It was nerve wracking. I felt so badly for everyone in this town. Prayers for rain were on my lips. I was just in total shock and awe that the unexpected always happens. We must always remember that people are what matters. Love matters. Everything else is replaceable, but family, love and friends are irreplaceable. Look at the people struggling with this exact same situation in Utah, Colorado, and other places in the United States. It only takes one spark to ignite a fire that can burn miles in minutes. This could happen to you. 

mY miracle

This is my family's house... a safe place in the midst of disaster and destruction. Some people may believe it is luck, but I know it as a miracle. Life is beautiful no matter the fire that burns around us. Home is in the hearts of the ones we love. Home is family. Our house was saved. I wish I could say the same for others. I heard nearly 60 homes were destroyed. I can't even begin to offer an explanation. I can say God is good. I know this was a miracle.

Just because you can't see or imagine a good reason why God might allow something to happen doesn't mean there can't be one. What matters now is coming together as a community and reaching out, helping, and sending prayers to those who were affected and victims of this fire and the fires all over the country. We all need one another and should never take this fact for granted, never forget it or take it lightly. Caring is sharing. Open your hearts lovelies and lets make this world a better place one person at a time.

I also send my thoughts and prayers with a heart overflowing with love and gratitude for all the brave firefighters who risk their lives and work relentlessly and fearlessly to put out these fires and triumph over disasters. 

Live by love

<3 Charley Brooke

This is what I believe to be true: You have to do everything you can, and if you stay positive, you have a shot at a silver lining and the moon and all the stars that light up the night sky.

How To Fall Out of Love with Love

let's take a better look... 

 beyond a story book

 and learn our souls are all we own

 before we turn to stone

 lets go to sleep with clearer heads

 and hearts too big to fit our beds and maybe we won't feel so alone

before we turn to stone

charley brooke

amazing[ly] [clueless] girl [full of] wonder

yes, i had a photoshoot of sorts today... 

It's been far too long, lovelies.

Let's talk...

This is me.

I want to be all inspiration-y 24/7, 365, forever-and-ever-and-ever, to infinity & beyond, don't we all?

If life was all sunshines, movie moments, perfect days, find our true love the instant we wish for him on birthday candles, at 11:11, or when our hearts ache for that person, that unknown soul wandering somewhere-who-knows-where, would be paradise. But that isn't how life works as, and I for one can testify to this time and again, much as we all desire for it to be that way. We just have to keep going even when the going is tough and you want to stop going because who knows where the next miracle, the next movie moment, the next wish come true will come from... or when? They happen, you know? 

I, also for one, can tell you that I am constantly thinking that I am the exception... that I am exempt from the good stuff, that my happily ever after is non existent and instead I am forced to be alone always and forever, watching everyone else (all of my friends, family, associates, strangers, everyone else BUT ME) live these perfect, happy, sunshine-y lives finding love, finding adventure, finding themselves, finding family... and me, stuck in this limbo state of nothingness, defective me... girl who is a boy repellant (apparently) and not ever good enough (or even close) no matter how hard she tries.

Trust me lovelies, NO ONE judges me, criticizes me, more than myself. So for all those who do out there, I can assure you that I do enough damage for everyone. Why though? Why am I not good enough? Why am I light years away from finding love or true happiness when it seems like everyone around me doesn't even have to try, they just get it without any effort? Why do I make people run, leave, race away and never look or come back to me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? And most of all, and this is the big one, WHY DO I WANT TO BE IN LOVE? 

I don't really know if there are answers to these questions. 

For any of you who have ever felt the way I feel, I know what you're going through but I also know you'll get through. You aren't the only one who is broken. It's only when we are broken that we can become built stronger, better than before. It's easy to feel like you're alone, destined for loneliness, despite the fact that there are 7+ billion people in this world. How commonplace it is to feel alone in crowded rooms. 

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.

That being said, I believe that we are too hard on ourselves. We are too busy being worried about impression others and not making a fool of ourselves and miss out on the fun, the happiness. We shut ourselves out, build walls that can touch the stars around our hearts, and that's no way to live. No way to love. We all have something to give, and we should give until nothing is left, and even then keep giving, keep surviving, keep thriving, keep loving, keep laughing, keep working, keep inspiring, keep keeping on. 

You may feel like you're nothing new, but that isn't true. You are the only you there is. And I have to trust in my convictions and have faith that someone out there will appreciate and love every single part of me unconditionally, someone will do the same for you. First, to find someone you love, you've got to love yourself. Smile. Be kind to others. You create beauty with your attitude, your behavior, your actions. It's all up to you. Is what you are living for, worth dying for? Chances come briefly and out of nowhere and at times that may feel awkward or rushed, but take them! Because chances only come rarely and often not twice. Yes, they come with risks and are scary, but it's good to be afraid, it means you have something to lose... something worth losing. That's how we feel alive. 

I don't know about the rest of you lovelies, but I am not afraid of dying... I am not entirely fearless, I must admit... here's my biggest fear: the unlived life (not living life to the fullest). 

As the AMAZING, WONDERFUL, TALENTED, ARTIST, POET, EXTRAORDINAIRE Tyler Knott Gregson wrote, "It is only when we decide that 'ordinary' is an insult that we become the exquisite miracles we were born to be."

As for the title of this post: HOW TO FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH LOVE

I am not sure it's possible. 

I believe once you are in love with someone or something, truly in love, that it's impossible to fall out of love with it. 

After all, you should never give up on anything you can't go a day without thinking about. 

With Love,

C