Hiding My Heart (Worlds Apart)

I went missing.

Disappeared.

Did anyone notice?

I missed you.

Where did July go? 

It vanished with me, or maybe I became invisible in it.

Either way, I am back.

I have soooo much inspiration & stuff to share & talk about. 

I feel tired and uninspired at times.

And I wrote this last night...

I want to catch a break but I'm only breaking down. Breaking apart. Broken. Falling, falling, forever. Falling to pieces. Fading. Invisible. Disappearing. Gone. And no one notices or cares. It's an effortless mess, my SOS, calling out to deaf ears in distress. The girl (me, I) is hopeless. She's open for suggestions and directions. She can barely breathe. Countless questions.  Is she wonderful? Do you wonder about her? Or is it any wonder [her fate]? Full of wonder. Wondering. Waiting. Is it mere coincidence the fact that fate rhymes with wait, or is it something deeper? I'm getting weaker. And you, you, you. You. It ends with you, or more accurately begins with you. Always you. Only you. Perfect you. The one. Will you come slowly or run? She can be found if only you look. Find me. Save me. Embrace me. Press me to you. Hold me. Tighter. Never letting go, or you'd fall too. Strength in two becoming one. Learn me. Feel me. Catch me. Memorize me. Love me. I am yours forever. Irrevocably. Unconditionally. Enduring. Wishing. Hoping. Dreaming. Living. Flying. Breathing. Like stars crashing into each other at the speed of our hearts in a cold, dark light-years-length, infinite galaxy, transforming into one radiant, bright, shining star bursting, glowing, filling the sky, and each other, with warmth, light, and electricity. We are a star. You are my star. Guide me home.

Yeah it's kind of rough and inconsistent and a mess, but it was from the heart. That's what matters right?

Okay August had better be amazing for all of us lovelies. Lets make it so... no matter what. 

 "Entwined. All that we are is defined by each others shipwrecked hearts and I shiver to think what would have been if I wouldn't have seen you in time... would we we pass by? Like parachutes and air balloons or satellites and lonely moons. We'd still be drifting far apart but thank the stars we are entwined. All that you are is mine. Your divine imperfections color the dark, and I shiver to see how fragile you are when the world's such a cruel place to be. Then you cut me free. Lets walk the tightrope together without a safety net and when we fall, and we will fall, lets fall forever... entwined."

-Jason Reeves

 "Life is the most fragile, unstable, unpredictable thing there is."

-Meredith Grey

 "All anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know we're not alone."

-Meredith Grey

 "The only time I don't feel like a ghost is when you look at me. You see me."

-Owen Hunt

 "Don't forget--no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell."

-Charles de Lint

 "Some people say home is where you come from. But I think it's a place you need to find, like it's scattered and you pick pieces of it up along the way."

-Katie Kacvinsky

 "That's what love is. It's some power greater than you and me that draws us to one special person."

-Jodi PiCoult

 "You have to take chances in life to get anywhere worthwhile."

-Me

 "Our paths keep crossing

but never quite touch

You're so close I can almost feel you

Yet impossibly out of reach

When will our parallel paths

become only one?"

-Me

 "You don't love someone because they're perfect. You love them in spite of the fact that they're not. Because they are perfect in your eyes."

 "Every now and then something amazing happens and best case scenarios seem possible. And against our better judgment, we start to have hope."

-Meredith Grey

"Sometimes the only way to catch your breath is to lose it completely."

-Tyler Knott Gregson

 Brie & CiCi on the 4th of July!

"You only make a once in a lifetime friend... once in a lifetime!"

-The Little Rascals

Have an amazing day lovelies... always remember that someone is (or will be) lucky to have you.

With love,

Charley Brooke

Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response

Lately, I wonder if I disappeared, vanished out into thin air, went missing, would anyone notice?

Would anyone care?

Would it make a difference in anyone's life?

Would I be missed?

Who would come searching for me?

Would people say they missed me? I don't think they'd mean it... most of them... because if they did, why didn't they try to talk to me, be with me, when I was there?

How is it possible to feel so alone when there are 7 billion people in the world, but then again, how do you stand out, be one in a billion? 

When asked if you could have any super power, what would it be? many people say they would want invisibility. I feel like I am invisible. Trust me, it's not all it's built up to be. People look through me, not at me. I am not seen. I sometimes feel as if I am fading away. I miss being a kid. When you didn't have to be anything but yourself and everyone loved it... loved you. I am easy to look at but so so so hard to see.

I am too fragile. I am trapped in glass and I want to break out and breathe deep but I'm too afraid that it will hurt.

I want someone to break me out. I want to be rescued by my prince charming or knight-in-shining-whatever. I want Romeo to save me. I've been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you but you never come.

I think waiting is a little heartbreaking... your heart feels like it's going to shatter because it's bursting, nearly overflowing with love for this person you are waiting to give it to... and when they don't come, you wait wait wait and wonder if it's too late... your heart starts to break a little because it's much too much. When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground, it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters or a picture falls off the wall it makes a noise. But as for your heart, when that breaks, it's completely silent. You would think it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world. But it's silent and you almost wish there was noise to distract you from the pain.

I love love & that is unfortunate. Ever notice how sometimes you want something so badly that it will always evade you? That is how love is for me. I wonder if I will ever get my love story... Some days I just want to rip my heart out of me because it is overflowing with love that won't fit in me alone. I'm not sure why I have so much love in my heart. Why not I suppose? Why doesn't everyone? If people focused on loving a bit more, maybe the allocation of our energies would be a lot more productive and peaceful. Where do I get all of the love? It's inside of me. I think we have a choice every moment to be, do, think, say whatever we wish... why not choose love instead of all the other stuff we waste our time with? Love is everything. My downfall is my stupid hopeless romantic heart and blind optimism and believes in fate, magic, and fairytales mentality... I'm basically setting myself up for heartbreak, and there is nothing I can do about it unless a miracle occurs in the form of a boy who proves to me all of it is real and gives me a love story better than the movies. To me, true love is the sweetest thing in life. That's why we're all either in love or looking for love. Sometimes you have to work for it, take chances--especially when life gets in the way--but I believe true, deep love is always worth fighting for.

What I mean is best summed up in a quote from, you guessed it, Grey's Anatomy: "Too often the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be: The people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want."

I don't want to disappear. I want to be FOUND.

I will be strong lovelies.

I love the new Facebook timeline. I was going back looking at all the things I said, the quotes I posted, and they made me feel better. The things about staying strong, being happy, goals, fighting for your dreams... it's all true. That's why I do this. I write on this silly blog my silly thoughts and share the lovely thoughts of others in the hopes that when you are having hard times, doubts, and insecurity, you can read them, read this, know you belong to this nation of inspiration. You are not alone. Words can heal. If even one person feels better after reading something on this blog, it's all worth it to me.

Stay strong and always believing. 

I know I can't be the only one who feels this emptiness... who feels like they are disappearing... who feels like they are drowning on dry land. I notice you. Struggles give us strength. 

It's my faith in something greater than myself that enables me to do what I have to do, to press forward even though I am tired, hurt, and afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain.

I have to bring my own light, not let the fire in me die out, to the darkness. My heart is on fire and no one can put that out.