Life. It sometimes seems like your world is crashing down around you. Change comes unpredictably. It's something we all have this desire to control, but it's a force of its own. It's unstoppable and uncontrollable. Sometimes change is voluntary, sometimes it's slow and steady and easy, like a nice walk on a beach. Then there are times when change is like a huge storm, hitting you out of nowhere and making you feel like you're drowning and can't catch your breath. It's like a roller coaster you're stuck on and all you want to do is get off. It can turn your life upside down, make people you love and are close to complete strangers, and leave you standing in the wreckage not knowing where to begin on the road to recovery and finding normalcy.
When I was a kid, life was wonderful, as it is for most, because you're so innocent and anything is possible in the land of make believe. Yet I, and all those around me, were so desperate to grow up. We figured life would just get better and better the older we got. We had so many dreams, like how I wanted to become a princess. And the faster we grew up, the sooner the dreams would become reality. But then reality hit us. Reality is generally cold, lonely, and unfriendly. People crushed our dreams. Society told us our dreams were impossible. And the reality of growing up sometimes was miles, even light years away from our expectations. I learned you can't just want to be a princess. You can't just say you're a princess because life isn't a fairy tale. There's no princessing college. You can't just wish for Prince Charming to show up right away. You have to wait. Because maybe Prince Charming is dealing with his own share of dragons, and he's becoming who he's supposed to be, and the time isn't right. Sometimes you have to wait a long time, and kiss a few frogs, and save yourself, you have to be brave on your own before he comes along. Such is life.
There is much you can't control, but you can still make the best of life and fight for your dreams. See, you have to fight for everything in this life. Sometimes living is a battle, just day to day. Now all I want is for time to slow down, because it seems like everything is going so fast and I can't keep up or barely breathe. I believe we control our fate. You have to make choices and in the end your choices will make you.
As the Beatles once said you have to, "Take a sad song and make it better." How do you do this? How do you find hope when it seems hopeless? How do you be happy when everything is so sad? I've learned to take each week and look at the good. Lately, the bad outweighs the good (in my life) and it can be overwhelming, crushing in a sense. But you can't let it bring you down, you have to rise above. Make a mental list or write down all the good things to counteract the bad.
Good things in my life this week
*Narrowly avoiding a parking ticket because I had to park without my parking pass when I needed it (I'd left it in my mom's car I was driving the week before)
*Spending time with my family
*Planning a fancy tea party with Rian and Hannah (it's on Ri's bucket list & my list of 100 things to do before I die, speaking of which I highly highly highly recommend checking out my blog post "Project Wish". It's my list, and it helps me keep hope. It has dreams and goals that I can constantly work towards. I think everyone should make one!)
*Looking forward to the Grey's Anatomy musical episode!
*Driving in my car blasting my favorite music, singing along not caring if people think I'm crazy.
*Finding the beauty in the breakdown.
*Reconnecting with old friends via Facebook
*Making new friends
*Having all my roommates back in my apartment.
*Watching Titanic for probably the 145th time (I totally should keep a tally for every time I watch it).
*Updating this blog.
*One of my teachers pushing a test back two weeks!
*Wearing new clothes I got shopping last weekend.
Sometimes life is unbelievably challenging. It can feel like a living hell, but you can make it heaven. You can make it better. You always have to remember it can change on a dime in your favor. Living can be hard. It feels like it is lately for me, but you have to remember the times when it was easy and love each moment. You have to make great choices today so your future will be remarkable. Some weeks, my list of wonderful things looks like this:
*I am breathing and alive.
*My family members are all alive and healthy.
*I have amazing friends (the best actually).
*I have shelter, food, clothing, and basically everything I need and want.
*I am going to school, bettering myself and working towards becoming a doctor to save others lives.
*I have the ability to dream.
*Freedom.
*Electricity.
*Writing.
*My Lucy cat.
And there are more, obviously, but even a list as basic as that is lovely. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. It never has been and it never will be. It's a lesson a lot of us don't want to face, but you have to face it. Life may not be what you want it to be today, but that's not to say tomorrow or in a few months or years it won't be what you wanted it to be, if not even better. You have to find and maintain a balance of holding on and letting go. You have to find time everyday to do the things you love to keep you happy (like taking a bubble bath, watching Grey's, writing, hiking, nature walks, reading scriptures, prayer, tea time with Rian and Hannah, e-mails with Brie, and more--that's my list, everyone's is different). Inspire others, it is a circle, it will come back and inspire you. Make your life count because no one will make it that way for you. Remember how many trials and hard times you've gone through and look at how much stronger you are because of them. You can get through this and whatever else life has to throw at you. Life is beautiful.
