So today I managed to deflate my tyre whilst attempting to inflate it ...
I know ... don't ask me how, it just happened, and I didn't even realise until my Mum questioned why my tyre was flatter than when I went out. It worries me, and my family, that I am in charge of a car sometimes and I'm ashamed to say it took me five attempts to pass my driving test.
The title of this post may come as a surprise to my fellow females, how could I possibly mock my own sex? I'm by no means accusing all women of being bad drivers, but after gathering mishaps from myself and others, I can conclude that a significant number of us are, and men will undoubtedly agree.
Here's some of the stupidest things me, friends, family and other female acquaintances I know, have done, which highlights that giving women cars should be seriously reconsidered.
1. Following on from my tyre mishap today, my Mum wasn't really in any position to judge considering she was driving around with just 7 psi in her tyre not so long ago. To many females, 'psi' will probably sound like a crime programme, but considering the recommended amount for her tyre was 28 psi, you get the idea that this was not good...
2. My best friend, just a week after passing her test was parking her brand new Ford KA at work, but forgot that integral, essential element of eventually stopping. That's right, she parked her car in a fence in front of a number of colleagues.
3. On the day of my A Level results, whilst on my way out to celebrate with a friend, I managed to smash off my wing mirror in my own driveway. I was so happy however, I simply laughed and carried on driving. It wasn't until the following week, I came back down to Earth and realised I was going to have to get that fixed.
4. The Sixth Form car park was banter central and when a girl in my year drove off with her MacBook laptop on the top of her car, she didn't live it down for a while to say the least.
5. I frequently try to move away without actually starting my engine and then panic that I've broken down.
6. I failed one of my driving tests for going through a 'No Entry' sign ... enough said.
Now here's theoretically why girls shouldn't drive:
7. We're more interested in what's on the radio or what's going on outside. When your tune comes on, you're wacking up the volume, singing, dancing and consequently swerving into the middle of the road. When some gorgeous guy is jogging past you in shorts, your eyes are unsurprisingly not on the road. When you spot something wrong with your make-up in your interior mirror, again, you're all over the place trying to sort it out.
8. Hitting an animal is essentially murder in our eyes. Some of you will have read my road kill post last week and know that I, like many others I'm sure, cannot deal with hitting animals. It is a horrible experience, but it happens, it's life. However, we cannot avoid them because our reactions are so slow, we instinctly hit our brakes, close our eyes, scream and hit Bambi or Peter Rabbit anyway, unsurprisingly evoking floods of tears and emotional instability.
9. Although we can supposedly multi-task, when in a car, this goes completely out of the window. You see someone you know, they wave, flash or toot, you freak and grip the steering wheel tighter and just grin like an idiot. The whole clutch and brake thing just doesn't happen 90% of the time so you continually stall and I've lost count of the amount of times I've accidently turned my wind screen wipers on and been frantically fighting to turn them off again.
10. We don't even know what a 'car' physically is. I don't know what a clutch is, what an exhaust does or why I need gears. My argument is that I'm not a mechanic. The best time was when a mechanic asked me where my 'lock-in' wheel nut was, to which I answered, 'on my wheel', apparently not the answer he was looking for as he eventually found it rolling around in my boot. Since then, I've driven around for three days without any screen wash, I haven't checked my oil for months and yet I'm still surprised and get annoyed when something goes wrong. We're more interested on the interior aspects, fluffy dice, air fresheners, seat cushions etc.
It's ridiculous, but a significant number of us are guilty of it, and if we're not, it's because we have men around to deal with all that stuff for us. Although I found today quite amusing, my Mum made it very clear that there's not always going to be a guy around to do this stuff for me and she's right.
So, I'm sorry to shatter the vision of all those hard working Women's Activists but men and women aren't equal in many respects and driving is just one of them. Any willing male volunteers to look after my car for me would be greatly appreciated.
I'll leave you with Jenna Marble's view on female drivers which is tragically true.
(This video does contain explicit content)
