It is said that shoes are a girl's best friend ...
This is possibly the biggest lie since the Tooth Fairy.
Now I've never been a shoes kind of girl; I prefer hats or bags. Equally, I've never been particularly 'girly'; I was always more likely to be in a pair of football boots than ballet pumps, but there comes a time in every girl's life to don the killer heels.
This comes after a night out on the town last night, which has quite literally, left me crippled. I wince when I walk. My toes feel like they're clamped in a vice. They're still throbbing 20 hours after removal. Amputation has seemed the preferable option at many points today. I haven't even been blessed with blisters; they are just raw and swollen.
Here are the beasts that inflicted such pain ...
I have to say, I almost lasted the entire evening. In fact I did last the evening; it was the early hours of the following morning that defeated me. I couldn't take the pain any longer. So, I found myself stood in McDonald's bare foot at 2.30 am this morning. I sound like a tramp, but this pain is honestly inexplicable.
For many, these don't look very high. My best friend practically lives in heels. For her, Tescos is a perfectly good excuse for fancy footwear. Whether they are fur lined wedges or diamanté stilettos, she has a pair for every occasion. I on the other hand, have only just mastered wedges in the last three or so years, thus the stiletto was new territory.
I was like Bambi on ice but in my defence, the weather didn't help. I tottered along, falling awkwardly between the cobbles, almost sliding on my derrière in Market Square, and that was just on the way there.
My Mum warned me not to wear them. I had other possible shoes to wear. I was worried about wearing them, and yet I wore them anyway.
Why? Why do we do it to ourselves?
Because they look great? Because they make your legs look longer? Because they make your bum look smaller?
All of this is true, but in fact, they are a further way of objectifying women. They draw attention, and anyone who says it is unwanted attention, is a liar. We do not go through such pain to merely make our legs look longer.
No pain no gain? Beauty is pain? It's all utter rubbish. I have gained nothing for my pain, only ugly, swollen feet.
We are all in denial: shoes are a girl's nemesis.
